Another Mary Sue
by cookiesaredelicious
Summary: "hu iz dat coot boi?" Oh, for Merlin's sake! Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way's little sister has come to Hogwarts.
1. The Entrance

**A/N: After reading My Immortal, by that complete troll Tara Gilesbie, I couldn't help but do this. Reviews appreciated! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows. Also, her sister will be the complete opposite of Ebony: preppy, girlish, and preppy. I can't bring myself to make her talk in gothic freak language, though. One more thing: this is post-war.**

**I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkel Saphiire Way.**

**Third Person POV**

It was Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts, and he was sitting in the Great Hall with his best friends Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. McGonagall was just about to start the Sorting, when the great wooden doors to the Hall burst open, revealing a skinny, almost anorexic, teenage girl. She was about 17, and stood at around 5 feet 5 inches. Long, wavy highlighted blonde locks with the tips dyed purple and silver cascaded down her back, reached her slender waist. Her eyes were forever color-changing, but at the time, they were a deep, intense shade of teal that you could get lost in. The girl had long legs like a distance runner's, and looked like she was an F cup. She was wearing a hot pink blouse with the lowest neckline anyone had ever seen, a white skirt so short that it barely reached mid-thigh, and dark pink heels that clicked as she daintily made her way over to the Sorting Hat. Professor McGonagall peered at her from behind her spectacles, regarding her with a look of disdain as she began to talk.

"My name is Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way, but you can call me Tal. I'm seventeen years old and very hot, so **I **should be sorted first. Don't you think, Professor?" "Tal" asked, batting her eyelashes. Professor McGonagall scowled at her.

Back at the Gryffindor table, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were discussing the new student.

"She IS kinda hot," Ron remarked, earning a glare from Hermione, "but I lost her after the "Diarrhea" part. I mean, who the hell names their kid Diarrhea?"

"And banana, too." Ginny added, frowning. This Tallulah girl was obviously a Mary Sue, and a preppy one at that. She had had experience before with Mary Sues, and chances are, this one was out to either a)steal Draco away from Astoria, b)steal Harry away from her, or c) have them both. Ginny wasn't going to let this Mary Sue slip away easily.

"Well, OBVIOUSLY Tallulah's a Mary Sue," Hermione said, in her know-it-all voice. "She's got all the characteristics of a Mary Sue: weird names, good looks, and perfection. She also looks a bit familiar, too."

"SHE'S EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY'S SISTER!" Harry suddenly shouted out, remembering the crazy raven-haired Mary Sue. He compared the looks of the gothic freak to the curvy blonde in front of him, and sure thing, they looked alike. "Oh, man. We've got to destroy this one. When her freaking sister was here, I was a freaking sensitive bi psychopath with a freaking pentagram on my freaking forehead who cried too freaking much!"

"And I was called Jenny," Ginny recalled, scowling. "But don't worry, we'll make a plan."

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall had decided to give the stupid Mary Sue the privilege to get sorted first, or else she would have a tantrum. The Sorting Hat dropped over Tallulah's eyes. Everyone was silent, and as they had come to the same conclusion the Golden Trio and Ginny had, they prayed for her not to be in their houses.

"So, Sorting Hat," Tallulah thought. "When are you going to be done with me? You're so, like, ruining my hair." The Hat sighed, and not being able to fit this obnoxious creature into a house, shouted out randomly, "GRYFFINDOR!"

There was an uproar. The Gryffindors were screaming foul names at the hat, wondering what they had ever done to deserve this Mary Sue. The other houses, on the other hand, were celebrating their good fortune at not getting Tallulah in their house.

"Quiet!" McGonagall shouted, and the students quieted down, Gryffindors still fuming. "Let Tallulah Diarrhea Mary Sue Banana Way or whatever take her seat at the Gryffindor table."

As Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way slid her slender body onto the bench next to the Golden Trio and Ginny (they all scooted as far as they could from Tallulah, of course, to avoid being contaminated by her), they shared the same thought: _We need to get rid of this Mary Sue, and fast. Or else._

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I tried to make Tallulah as sue-y as I could in this chapter, but she'll show more character in the following chapters. It was absolutely torture to describe her, of course. Virtual cookies to anyone who caught my Hunger Games reference to a certain District 1 tribute. Review, you know you want to.**


	2. The Plan

**A/N: Meh, 3 measly little reviews-but thanks to the kind people who did leave one! I decided to update anyway, and will try to make this chapter longer. The last one was 880 words long, but I still couldn't believe how short it looked. Enjoy!**

**I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way.**

**Third Person POV**

"Ah, great," Harry sighed, examining his schedule. "Look what we've got now, Double Potions with the Slytherins AND that Tallulah Diarrhea Banana girl."

"What did you expect, with her being in the same year and house as us?" Hermione asked knowingly. "Besides, I want to see just how good the Mary Sue is."

"Probably the best," Ron answered, earning himself another glare from Hermione. "What? Mary Sues are always bloody perfect, aren't they?"

"Which is why we have to work hard to destroy them all," Ginny said breezily, passing them on the way to Transfiguration. "But the bloody freaking Suethors never stop coming. Anyway, I'm off, bye!" Ron and Harry watched longingly as she walked away; they would've given anything to trade places with her.

A few minutes later, they had reached the dungeons and took their seats. The Golden Trio quickly spotted Tallulah sitting among a small crowd of boys, the ones who didn't realize that she was a Mary Sue. A second later, Professor Horace Slughorn came bursting through the door, the buttons on his clothes popping one after another on his protruding belly.

"Just in time," Ron mouthed to Harry.

"Harry, m'boy!" Slughorn boomed, quickly spotting the Boy Who Lived. "How are you doing lately?"

"Fine, sir," Harry replied coolly, with a quick glance at Tallulah. His face contorted with disgust as she flipped her hair and fixed her makeup. "We've got to fix that," Harry muttered out of the side of his mouth. With a jolt, he spotted Draco Malfoy clustered around the Mary Sue, holding her hand.

"Do you see what I see?" Ron asked. He wasn't too surprised, though. Tallulah's sister Ebony had had the most effects on Malfoy, but he apparently hadn't realized a thing about Mary Sues yet.

"Looks pretty bad to me," Harry answered. He looked at Hermione, who was, not surprisingly, hanging on to Slughorn's every word with rapt attention.

"You will be attempting to the potion Felix Felicis today," he was saying. Hermione let out a gasp, excited. "You have an hour to complete the task. Begin!" Harry quickly added some beetle eyes to his steaming cauldron, surprised that Tallulah hadn't said anything yet.

"Professor, could you tell me where to get my ingredients?" called out a sickeningly sweet, yet beautiful voice. _Oops, _Harry thought. _Spoke too soon. _ The Golden Trio watched as Professor Slughorn nearly tripped over his feet to help the abnormally beautiful blonde girl. One minute later, she strode over to the cabinet and produced everything she needed.

"Not salamander blood, Harry!" Hermione cautioned, grabbing hold of Harry's hand. "Pomegranate juice!" Harry had been too distracted watching the Mary Sue to concentrate. He quickly withdrew his hand and added the right ingredients, with the help of Severus Snape's textbook.

One hour later, the room was swimming with blue fumes, and the Professor was coming around to inspect the various concoctions scattered about the room. To Ernie Macmillian's potion, which was the color of dark chocolate, he gave a disapproving shake of his head. To Ron's potion, which was much worse (a shade of dark green), he wrinkled his nose. Harry's and Hermione's potions, each a light pink as they were supposed to be, each earned an approving nod. But when Slughorn got to Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way's, it was a completely different story. Ignoring the fact that her concoction was exactly the same as Hermione's and very close to Harry's, he gave a great smile and shouted, "Look at this! Look at this! Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way has done it!" He gave a roar of laughter and awarded Gryffindor 100 points.

"Class dismissed!" And with that, the entire NEWT level class rose and left the dungeons, animatedly chatting amongst themselves. Draco Malfoy took Tallulah's hand and immediately began snogging her.

"I think I may need to vomit," Harry commented, looking sick. "We have to get rid of Diarrhea Banana Twinkle Glimmer Swan Mary Sue Sapphire, now."

"Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way, not Diarrhea Banana Twinkle Glimmer Swan Mary Sue Sapphire," Hermione snapped.

When they got to the common room, Ron and Harry each slumped into two of the better armchairs, Ron shoving a Second Year out of his seat so he could sit. Hermione had stopped to go to the library and borrowed a few thick books, as Harry and Ron now could see, as she climbed out of the portrait hole, looking flustered.

"I found these books on destroying Mary Sues in the library," Hermione explained breathlessly, her forehead glinting with sweat as she dumped three heavy-looking books on the nearest armchair by the fire. "It's not a lot, I'm afraid, because evidently Tallulah Way had decided to take action and borrow all the other books so nobody could use them against her. These are the few that she missed."

"Let's see…" Ron said, poking at the thick hardcover editions. "The Rise and Fall of Mary Sues, Destroying Mary Sues, How To Get Rid Of Them: The Ultimate Guide To Killing Mary Sues…well, let's get going!"

Hermione pulled a laptop out of her bag and flipped it open. She pressed the ON button, and the screen lit up, much to Ron's amazement.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, taking in the computer. "What's that?"

"It's a computer," Harry told him. "The very thing that caused Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way. Mary Sues happen via FanFiction."

"That's right," Hermione confirmed. She clicked a link to a fanfiction titled "To Kill A Mary Sue" by xXBellatrixLestrange917Xx, and the story popped up. "This is an actual fanfiction that helps you get rid of Mary Sues. Trixie, a young fanfiction reader, hops into Hogwarts to get rid of Aria Snape, a Mary Sue, obviously. Now, the first thing "we" tried was flame the Mary Sue's story, since when Trixie realized how horrible the story was, she helped destroy the Mary Sue she created, Destiny Riddle."

Harry shuddered. "And I had to kiss her! Eww. Why don't we go and do it now?"

Hermione ignored him. "The problem is, though, flaming didn't work, as far as I read. Aria Snape was way too strong to be affected by flaming. The same went for Tallulah's sister, Ebony. But I think that Tallulah might be weak enough for flames to affect her, even if it's just a tiny little bit."

Ron said loudly, "Then like Harry said, why don't we try it now?" He kicked his armchair for extra effect, but ended up hopping around on one foot trying to nurse his bruised big toe. Harry had to stifle a laugh.

Even Hermione looked amused. "The problem is, Ronald, that we have to PLAN first. Who wants to do the flaming?" she asked, whipping out a piece of parchment and a quill.

"I think we all should do it," Harry suggested. "I mean, Mary Sues want to attract boys, right? And they want to be liked by everyone, the girls too, so it would be extra sharp."

"I think Harry's right," Hermione said, jotting something down. "Okay. Tomorrow, when we get our time off, we go and flame Tallulah's story. You DO know how to flame, correct?" She looked at Harry and Ron, who nodded.

"Don't you think we should include Ginny on this?" Ron asked, gesturing over to his redheaded sister. "I mean, then it'll be 4 people. The more the better, right?"

"True, true," Hermione sighed. Ron promptly turned in his sister's direction and bellowed, "OI, GINNY! WE NEED YOU HERE!" The youngest Weasley bounced over and asked, "What? No need to shout, Ron. I was about three feet away from you." They filled her in on their plans, and she nodded.

"So when we're free, we go into the corridor and flame Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way, tell her things like 'YOUR STORY IS TERRIBLE!'. Right?" The Golden Trio nodded.

The next morning, Hermione was fussing over the plans in the Great Hall, reviewing the steps with everyone.

After the hundredth time, Ron lost it. "Okay, Hermione, we get it! Geez, give it a rest." Hermione sat down, red-faced.

"Alright," she whispered back. "But if you forget…"

At noon, when they were off, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Ginny Weasley were patiently waiting for Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way to arrive, so they could put their plans to good use.

**A/N: To Kill a Mary Sue is really good; check it out! Also I will reference other Mary Sue destroying fics in later chapters, and some might be Percy Jackson and the Olympians, just to let you know. Review, you know you want to.**


	3. The Announcement

**THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. **

Sorry if I disappointed you; this isn't an update, but it will tell you where to find the updates.

My new account is whotookmypie. I'll be rewriting and continuing some of my stories on there.

Check it out!

**Hugs, virtual cookies, and Fudge Flies,**

**cookiesaredelicious**


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